I hope you are ok. I'm sorry for what you have been through. It is a lot to endure. I don't think you are attention seeking. It sounds like you are in a lot of emmotional pain and unable to cope. There is nothing wrong with that, and you are not an awful person for it. You need help. We all do sometimes. I tried to overdose twice. It is not the answer. I know it feels like you can't cope with everything, so I urge you to get help. We all need help sometimes in our lives and you deserve to be happy. Especially with what you havebeen tthrough.