I am sorry you are having such a hard time Purplelilly. I am surprised that you do not qualify for medicaid as I think you should. Have you thought about applying for Social Security? I know that takes time but at least you could get started. Also isn't there maybe a free clinic that you can go to? I guess I don't know what is available in a small town though but there has to be something. I am going through depression myself. It was really really bad last week. Going through medicine changes. I have been very sick for at least 4 years now. But probably sick for longer. So much has gone on in my life that I guess it finally caught up to me a few years back. I am making progress but now I am just waiting to get a least a part time job. That's another thing. Do you have Vocational Rehabilitation in your town? They can help you with so much. And at this point I am trying with their help to get a job. I used to clean house for 23 years that I literally got burned out on. Like you I don't have many friends but I do have this one friend who lives about 40 miles from here so she is not convient to visit all the time. Thankfully at this time I am living with my daughter and two gr.daughters part time. Daughter full time. She was living with me but then I lost my last cleaning job because they could tell I was not doing a good job anymore. Now I want a driving job. I used to not mind being deaf but now I am fustrated with it because most jobs require you to hear. And I cannot hear very well on the phone. But I am getting into the solution with that. You know? I was so sick a few years ago that it was recommended that I live in a assisted living facility. In and out of hospitals 6 times in less than a year getting worse and worse. I just wanted to die. I wish I had more skills than cleaning. But now I absolutely hate cleaning. And I do thank God right now that I am on disability. Have been since 1985. But I did have at least 15-20 years of normal living on my own raising my daughter. I never used to take advantage of my insurance until a few years ago. Unlike you however I couldn't stay in bed. I am an early riser but not much of a life. Sounds like we have all had our share of problems and losses. I lost my older daughter due to my mental illness back in 1985. "schizophrenia". But I don't have that. I have bipolar depression. I don't even get the ups anymore. But Purplelily, there has to be a way for you to get help. You have a computer, so I would start researching. Thank you by the way. Talking to you helped me too. I hope you get this. Let me know.