I think you are right. Inwas talking to my T last week and we talked about why I put others needs before my own and where I learned it from. She says that is a common theme in dysfunctional families with addictions. You have the addict who is constantly messing up and then you have the person that is picking up the pieces and putting thier life back together at the expense of thier own needs. That makes the person feel useful and needed giving them self worth. Then she said that when people quit doing that they usually are better able to take care of thier own needs. The addict gets worse and spirals towards rock bottom until they pick themselvess up. She said in the long run that is better for everyone, but in the short term it is very difficult. Especially for the addict. I don't think my cousin is a drug addict, but he certainly doesn't know how to take care of himself.

I dont feel too bad over the situation. My wife is much happier now that he is gone, and she is a positive force in my life. I usually think about her when I get impulses to do self destructive things and that helps curb things. I do spend money recklessly sometimes still, but I don't speed and drive fast anymore. I welded harmed a few times recently, after 8 years of not doing it, but when I did do it, I tried to limit how much. I think all things considered having her in my life is better than not, despite our problems.