Bedobones, I feel that way too. I often feel how BF does, except I don't believe in punishment. I believe in kindness. I don't mean to be shinyhappypullyourbootsup in by what I posted above. I described what I do, but I do remember not being able to do it too. And the painful feelings are under there and come up easily. Counselling has never helped, despite ~10 different counsellors. Just one I had briefly who actually had empathy felt good, but did it change anything?

Anyway . . . it's hard. Circumstances are hard to change, but if they can be improved it gives some relief. The deeper stuff, I don't know.