Hi PurpleLilly,

I am so glad for your post, it helped me. I don't have the trauma of what's happened with your kids, etc. but it seems I suffer from a lot of the same feeling as you do - feeling hopeless every day, never wanting to get out of bed and often simply don't. You're so lucky that you have a dog! He sounds adorable. I wish I did, but I'm dog sitting for someone next week, and so grateful.

I couldn't read all of your post today, I've got a fever and was just able to skim.

I know how hard it is to try to "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" all the time. I tried this for a while, but have stopped. Nothing works for me.

I wanted to tell you that I also don't have insurance, and am unemployed, with no savings, & do not qualify for Medicaid or any services in my state. It's ridiculous, and made me feel more hopeless, and I spent 3 months researching it. I just wanted to let you know that I know this pain.

Are there free or sliding scale services in your area? Please check. I checked in mine extensively let me tell you. Because usually there are. Just not in my city if you can believe it. A starting point could be for you to call the crisis center, they should be able to tell you a list of what's available. Do you have a car? I also just started calling therapists, etc. and asking if they did pro bono work. This was suggested to me.

Please keep posting, you're never judged here. Feel free to PM me if you like. I'm thinking of you

Grace