Dear T,

I emailed you a lot of my feelings already, but I don't know if I will tell you exactly how I felt yesterday when you first told me "yes, my marriage is fine" and then a second later you said "no, it isn't. You're very perceptive."

I was stunned. Stupidly, I asked you "which is it"? I really and truly did not expect my intuition to be right since usually it isn't. I know you had time since my email to think about what you were going to tell me, and you decided NOT to tell me the truth. I admire you for changing your mind on the spur of the moment like that.

I wonder why you told me that you told some clients. I imagine those are the ones going through a marital crisis of their own. Otherwise, why would you tell anyone? You said that at some point you were going to tell me.

I know you probably did not want me obsessing about this so I'm going to try to "get it all out" on my forums and then try to let it go. To my credit, I was able to concentrate on the SE and I am very glad that therapy is about me. I feel good about what we're doing even though I told you I thought it was a waste! I thought about it more and I agree with you that SE is going to be very helpful. I'm actually telling you more this way. Well, I can ramble on and on--you know that, but this is slower, and I am forced to really feel my feelings, both inside and out. I like the way you are telling me like it is, and insisting that you're right about my brother.

Maybe YOU left your marriage and that's why you're doing fine. But something tells me that's not the way it was. Maybe it was a mutual decision, now that the kids are grown up. I know I can't ask you those questions. I just know you're so special that why would anyone want to leave you? Yes, I realize that answer is laced with therapy love and transference, but I know something about you in RL too. I know how sweet and gentle you are. You had a hard life. You deserve happiness! I know you live in the present and you have your painting to sustain you, and your work.

I'm going to worry that you're not eating enough. You'll probably get cookies and muffins from me even when it's NOT a holiday.

I KNOW therapy is about me, but I care about you. I'm going to work very hard doing SE with you so you'll be proud of me. I'm glad you're my T!

Love,
rainbow