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Syra · Apr 17, 2013, 06:19 PM

I totally get it - I think. She let you do things, and then she felt it was too much and told you that you didn't need her as much as you thought and she doesn't know how she is helping. Is that it?

I've been there. I let myself get more attached to my T than she was comfortable with (IMHO by her invitation), and her withdrawal was hurtful and done in bits and pieces. I don't think it has to be that way.

It sounds like she told you she couldn't handle you. I think this is a lack of skills on her part. She could have said,
R2MN, I'm struggling. I really want to help you. And I don't know how. I'm afraid you want things from me that I can't give you and don't know how to what to do, and that makes me create distance between you and me. I don't want to hurt you. You came here for help, not more pain. Can you tell me how you feel about me, and what you want and need, and let us see if we an work out something that will give you what you need, and let me feel like I am helping you and not making things worse.

She wouldn't have to agree to anything that she wasn't comfortable with, and you could get more clear with yourself and her. And together you could decide if she was a good match for you.

I wonder if it would help to have this conversation with yourself? or even ask her:

I think you are afraid of me, and I'm feeling hurt because it seems like you are withdrawing. CAn we talk about what I want, and what you have to offer, and see if we can come up with something that works for both of us?