Sorry to hear about your childhood and relationships with your parents and most of your family of origen. When you didn't have good role models for how to be a good parent, it makes it much harder to know how to parent your own children, and more tendency to second-guess yourself and to worry when something seems to be going wrong.

I agree that what your daughter is going through is most likely developmental. At 10 years old it is normal for a child's peers to be more important to them than their parents. That is a very uncomfortable position for parents to be in. I would switch tactics on what to tell her about lying. You had to cut your ties to your parents in order to establish your independence and freedom (I did too, so I really relate to that). That isn't what you want your daughter to feel that she needs to do though. I can see where that image would be very strong for you because when your family lied you felt more need to get away, probably. And you established your independence not by lying but by setting boundaries and just not going back to give them another chance to reel you back in.

Instead of cutting the ties, I would teach that lying tangles you up and restricts your freedom. When your family lied to you, it pushed you away but it also restricted their options to be able to have you around. When a child lies, nobody trusts them, and they have to be watched more closely, and they don't get to go and do things on their own as much. Also, they keep having to work harder to maintain and/or remember their story so that they don't get caught. I do a demonstration where a volunteer holds one end of a ball of yarn, and you ask them questions, and they have been instructed each time to answer with a lie. Every time they lie, you wrap the yarn around them once. You get the visual of being tangled up, and it becomes clear that it gets harder and harder for your subject to make up answers that don't contradict what they have already said.

I just wanted to add that, and welcome you to PC.

Rap