My therapist taught me the difference between "love" and "like" and that make a huge difference to me in how I treated my stepmother. My therapist asked me who I like and I answered "my husband" and then she asked me to name 3 things I like about him and I instantly said, "He's warm, fun, and friendly" and then she had me apply those criteria to my stepmother

We like our friends and choose them and want to hang with them. We do not necessarily choose those we love, our family and such. Realize you love your mother but she's not a friend, she's not someone you want to hang out with, be like, have like you, etc. When you are around your mother, treat her with love, because you want to learn to be a loving daughter :-) but don't feel the compunction to have her treat you any particular way or be like/unlike her. We have our parents' genetics, aptitudes, some likes/dislikes, etc. My mother died when I was 3 and I don't remember her but I saw a 8 mm movie taken of her in around 1939, long before I was born and before she and my father married, and it was just a few seconds of my father trying to take the movie of her and of her trying to "hide" and I instantly felt exactly what she felt! It was a wonderful moment for me, as I could tell I was my mother's daughter, her actions/mannerisms were exactly what I would have done if it had been me back then.

But, so what? So you sound like your mother; she did raise you, you did live under her almost exclusive influence for lots of years. If you don't like some way you do something (I was taught to feed the man in my life (father, husband, brother) the "bigger" piece of meat -- I catch myself doing it still today and it's a hard habit/mindset to break :-) you can change it, it's just a habit and we can have whatever habits we care to have/make/break. You probably know what your mother likes now, give her some of those things (one of my favorite memories is when my stepmother was already growing quite senile, I had to take her to the doctors' one morning, early, and I brought warm, homemade muffins and small cartons of milk and we had a snack in the car before we set out, it was a very personal, touching moment for both of us) and just ignore the comments on your weight or joke back, "fondly" to reassure her but let her know you don't really appreciate the comments, "Yeah, yeah, Mom, you've said it a million times before, but I keep telling you I'm not Sister Susie" Sigh. :-)

I would kind of make a schedule if you can; when she's home/around, decide to see her X day(s) a week or call her X times a week, etc. and then stick to that and get her off the phone otherwise, "Sorry, really busy right now, I'll call you Sunday!" and hang up. Take control of your own life and just fit her in and you'll probably resent her less than if you let her try to insert herself into your life willy nilly.