lostinmyhead,
boy have you had a rough time! It wouldn't surprise me if you didn't have a major case of PTSD. I know it sounds as if the third girl was someone you were considering spending your life with, but its better to find out early that she didn't want to be with you, even though I'm sure her lying and giving you a false explaination was very painful. It would have been worse if you had gotten married and then found out. I was married for seven years to a girl I had been with for two years before that, and found out too late that she was false, lying and abusive. Believe me, its better that the marriage never happened.

You are right about having to be happy with yourself before you can be successful in a relationship. As long as you are unhappy and bitter about the past, its going to come through in any relationships you try to form. If something happens during a good marriage, things can usually be worked out, but starting out with problems is a recipe for failure. Knowing that is half the battle.

You seem like a hard working, honest guy. Its never too late to get help through therapy. Don't be afraid or ashamed to ask for help. The sooner you can start working through your problems, the sooner you can get on with your life. If you don't already have a therapist, do some research about therapists in your area, you can either go on line and check their credentials, or find recommendations. Its a place to start. Just don't give up on yourself because you got off to a hard start.

Sam2