Hello, I'm boundandbroken.
Not really very good at this talking thing (outside of poetry, that is), and my internet is pretty bad (on a ship). This is the second time I've typed up this post, and it seems harder this time around.
Either way, I'm new here. Found the site by clicking on a link on a site, and then again on that site, and then again on that site, etc etc, until here I was.
So, I suffer from a whole range of inter-relating problems: depression, chronic loneliness, isolophobia, fear of rejection, suicidal thoughts, borderline personality disorder, and trust and abandonment issues. And these all mostly stem from a childhood of pain. I'll probably end up posting the poems I've written about my childhood in the forums.
Mostly, I'm just looking for help. I'm being overwhelmed by everything in my life. I'm military, so going to others isn't the best option and seeking help on my own (and out of my own pocket) isn't an option when I'm in the middle of the ocean...
I just...I just want the pain end, one way or the other. Hopefully, with me being alive and happy. Well, truly happy, since those around me say I seem like the happiest, most hyper and cheerful person ever. But I'm not. God, I'm not. And maybe I'm wrong to say I want the pain to end. I can handle the pain, because at least that's a feeling. It's the numbness, the emptiness that's slowly killing me. I need to find a way to fill this emptiness before it's too late...
After all, as one of my favorite writers once wrote (paraphrased since I can't remember the exact quote), no one really wants to die. They just, maybe, don't want to live and life doesn't give another choice...
Well, I think I'll close this introduction out with my latest (and favorite) poem. Thanks for reading.