If you fetish caused no harm and was between two concenting adults I think it would just part of who you are and what you enjoy. Some of us like blonds others like brunettes. I think the same thing also applied to sex. We all have different kinks. I share your fantasy. I have told my wife about it and she is ok with it, but she cannot rullfil that fantasy as she likes to be submissive. I don't think these fetishes have ruin a releationship. Two people should be able to be open and honest about what they find arousing and they should be able to agree on what they want to do sexually. I think that is part of a healthy releationship. Your fetish us uncommon, but not unheard of. There are women out there that enjoy taking control of a man.

I think the thing to think about is how important is this fetish to you? Is it something you can live without? Do you have to have it to have pleasure from sex? Does your suicidal ideation come from rejection of your past mates? I think they have a right to thier opinion, but you do as well. I think if they don't like you for who you are, then you don't really need them. You have a right to do what you find pleasurable as long as it doesn't cause harm to yourself or others. I hope you find resolution to this issues.