A few months ago i really started to question the way my wife has handled arguments, family & friend relationships...mood swings, etc. Things in life for me just became so overwhelming feeling as if i was the cause of everything negative in her life. I started "browsing" online and came across borderline personality disorder and realized she had every symptom. She had mentioned she left the military after only being in for two years because she wanted to get out. I looked through old files in our attic and found alot of medical documentation and psych evaluations showing she had borderline personality disorder. It didnt necessarily make me mad, just frustrated me to realize all this time i'd been fighting battles i couldnt win. I met her when i was 19, never dated anyone previously and she pretty much manipulated me from that point forward. I also sensed there was something wrong with her, but i always felt bad for the childhood issues she had told me about. Sorry for the long intro, i just felt maybe some background info might help...heres the rest lol

The BPD symptoms and angry violent outbursts have taken their toll lately, we also have two young children 3 and 11 months. My 3 year old son is pretty frightened of her when shes mad, he cries and hides and runs to me to "protect" me when she becomes violent with me. He's even covered my face with his body while i was sitting on the ground because in his mind he was going to protect his father when his mother started swinging again. Now she's never hit the kids, but she becomes extremely frustated with my son, calls him stupid or negative words. She has punched me numerous times, thrown knives, grabbed a gun, broken tv's, scratched my 'fun' car. All of this throughout the course of our 4 years of marriage. Over the late 4 years i think she's seen me mature and become more aware that what she does is wrong....and i believe that frustrates her. She has abused alcohol for a long time(5-10 years) long before i met her. I've told her to get help for alcoholism but of course...she drinks because I'm such a pain in the *** lol. I recently discovered she had been drinking and driving with my kids in the car..denied it to the point that i almost convinced myself she was telling the truth. She hides the alcohol in water bottles so she can keep them in her purse, trunk...wherever.

I've honestly had enough at this point. I told her on sunday that i was fileing for a divorce unless she went to alcohol treatment and then a live in facility for BPD. We've gone to counseling, AA meetings...they're all a joke because she knows that as soon as it's over she can go back to the way things were. When i told her I was filing for a divorce she became enraged saying she didnt need me, to take the kids and she can go be by herself. The next morning she told me she would get help...do i believe her? Honestly im not sure. She's given me the sad sob story numerous times so im hesitant to believe her, regardless im giving her my word. I think the hardest thing through all this is not just the effects on my children, but also that i put my happiness on hold for so many years that im not sure i even know how a wife is supposed to treat a husband. In my heart i feel like the best thing to do is leave and protect my children no matter what she decides...but then i tell myself im being selfish...even when i've been selfless everyday with her.

sorry for the long post, but it feels so good to share this