Re-feeding after you have been depriving your body for so long is one of the scariest and most isolating aspects of an eating disorder. I understand how your whole world is built on this concept of control and when you begin to eat (whether or not it is truly out of control eating or not) it feels like you are losing everything that held meaning to you.

It will get better - if you can avoid the temptation of using behaviors. Your body is trying its best to sort itself out. No matter how much we try to control them, they are perfect and miraculous machines that will do whatever it needs to get fuel and stay nourished. You will not end up obese, I know it feels that way but you wont. If you can stick to regular meal/snack times your body will eventually figure out that there isn't another round of starvation coming and you wont be subjected to the big binges. Hang in there...it can get better.