What i hate the most is finding myself thinking about how bad i was.
The problem isn't being thinking about that, it's not have thinking while i was doing it.
It's not as i hate myself, i sometimes see myself as persons with skills, but i just have these faults which tend to balance me to the other side.
I'm not able to make somedody love me, people can't like or dislike me, they just ignore me, and i see the way everybody runs away from me. It's not that i really care about that, but when I imagine how my future will be, when i see university finalist with fotos of their happy moments with their caricatures with lots of inscriptions from other collegues (i don't know if you get it, but it is kind a tradition where I live), I just know i won't get nothing of that, because i don't have moments or friends. Perhaps what troubles me the most is realizing that the others, when the moment of true arrives, will look at me as i was an even more strange person. And i am, more strange that they will ever realize...
I'm afraid that all i am and i hate, or all I want to be doesn't get changed with a cure, and the person i am now be the real me. Or i don't have cure, i don't have depression, i just have some freaking mental illness wich i born with. Because the thing that makes me going on is the though that somewhere on the way i'll be an happy acomplished person. I guess i have been dreaming about that my entire life and i never figured out if i am good or bad, what belongs to me and what belongs to some disease.
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