On April 2nd, I had to be rushed to the psych ward by ambulance. I was psychotic and hearing voices, so I took an overdose to quiet the voices down and calm myself. It didn't go so hot (of course). After I took the pills I couldn't walk, couldn't remember (everyone told me afterwards {cops were at my house and I don't remember being unable to walk}) didn't know how to use a bathroom, and other things. Luckily it wasn't strong enough to kill me or having the stomach pumped.

After I got out of the overdosing symptoms, the hospital itself had a lot of friendly people to talk to and get through the tough times. Went psychotic several times in there, as they say. I didn't sleep well for 1 of the 2 weeks I was there. Most patients were not that severe, except a few.

I never stayed at a hospital for 2 weeks though (except this time of course but never before), the longest I stayed at a psych ward was only a week. I got out of the hospital on April 15th, the day of the bombings. At times the voices at the hospital were loud and heard other people talking about me. Plotting against me. Saying horrible things about my intelligence or weight, saying that I should die. But at the same time I had insight because otherwise I would be talking to these people. I go to this hospital instead of the other BHR (my local Behavioral Health Resources) because BHR is for much more severe patients, yes I have been there once. It was horrible and the other patients were scary. Sorry if I offended anyone but they yelled at staff and things like that.

I am progressively getting worse. Each year I get more voices. Each year the "delusions" get worse. I put it in quotes because I believe my beliefs and don't like calling them delusions.

While I was in the hospital my dad dislocated his hip a second time, causing more stress. Then after I got home more stress because yesterday my mom had to be rushed to the hospital for a dangerous infection. Right now I have no parents at home, but I have my brother. My doctor was very nice and believed me for the first time. I had a different doctor. The only thing about this doctor that I didn't like was he kept extending my stay longer. I was desperate to get out of there because they had no connection to the outside world. I am someone who likes knowing all the news that goes on in the world. It was hard so I kept on annoying the staff about the news.

If the doctor has seen my journal he would have sent me to a state hospital for months or years. its not that I hide things because that would be wrong but I do tell the most important things for treatment.

There I got a different diagnosis, Bipolar 1 with psychotic features and schizotypal personality disorder. My GAF was 30. But my current psychiatrist said that I'm schizoaffective disorder bipolar type.

Thank God for the friends that I talked to at the hospital and I will always remember them and they gave me their numbers anyways. So now I have lots of friends and mentally interesting people get along with me better than the so called "normal" people. So I am under a great deal of stress right now since all the surgeries. I am scared I am going to lose my mom, right now my dad is doing fine as he can.