Hi alibaby,
I must say, I, too have always had trust/closeness issues for most of my 53 years. Amazingly enough though, I have such peace when I do get close to Him...a peace and comfort that I have never before been able to accomplish on my own. My prayer is a thankful one... "for "I once was lost but now am found...."
I pray you find that same peace on your journey.
Patti