Hi beatingheart
I am so sorry to see you are in so much pain at the moment. Have you had a chance to seek any help for your Depression. It maybe that your doc could prescribe something that could helo. Maybe you could seek a T to talk to or a club of people with similar interezts.

Living on your own can be sooo lonely when those walls close in. Perhaps going for a walk would help. Sit on a bench and get some fresh air?