Wow do you sound like me and my life! I was the oldest in the same type of family, my mother also devalued me constantly while my dad abused me constantly. 1965 was when he was sent to a state mental hosp. for 2 years and diagnosed psychopathic personality, for which there is no cure and, after years of therapy for ptsd, mpd, depression, anxiety am just coming to terms with the fact that our love was one way, I loved him even though he was incapable of loving me, just using me. But the dissonance was hard to get through. He died in 2000 and we could have 15 min conversations on the phone, only, (all I could take) but I was at peace with this arrangement. I had one brother who was diagnosed schizophrenic and mpd along with chemical addictions who eventually downed a bottle of pain killers and died. His psychiatrist said his big problem was that he could not forgive our dad for the abuse he suffered. I struggled with wanting to help him, but he would not tell me where he was staying, to protect me from his environment, which he said was very dangerous. I'm glad he is at peace now.
The reason I looked for a forum of this type was to talk about a current issue that I am beginning to overcome. I was spiritually/emotionally abused by a Christian counselor a few years ago. I started having DID symptoms again from it, and could not even go near the institution he works at. I would see him occassionally driving through town, and hated the emotions that came up. I've been seeing a psychologist for the past 3 years about this issue and am pleased to find that when I saw him on tv last night I actually didn't have any more bad or hurt feelings toward him, but thought, "I hope he's doing better too". This is a huge breakthrough for me, even though I still have ptsd and probably always will.
But I can say to you "I've been there". It's hard, but for some reason God gives more strength it seems to some than others. You, my friend, are a real blessing to me and pray God will continue to strengthen you in your unique journey