Hi my friend ~ I totally understand what you're going thru. I've felt alone and "broken" since I was a small child. Now I know that I have clinical depression. But as a child, of course I didn't know what it was. All I knew was that I was always sad.

Both my parents were alcoholics, so my sisters and I (there were 4 of us) got absolutely NO attention at all. NOTHING. There were no hugs, no "I love you's," - there was nothing at all. I felt even then that I didn't have parents.

Now both of them are gone. I forgave them long ago, because they gave ME what THEY were given. They couldn't give me something they didn't have. They were brought up the same way I was, so it was impossible for them to show the emotion I craved. They just didn't know how.

Forgiving them was freeing for me. If I hadn't gotten rid of the resentments, it would have eaten me alive. There is a saying: "Resentment is the poison I take to kill you." And it's so true. I carried those resentments for many years, but all it did was make ME sick.

I miss my parents terribly. My Dad passed away in 1990, and my Mom in 2003. Mom had stopped drinking when Dad died -- I thought that quite curious. lol Obviously he drove her crazy.

If there is some way for you, I urge you to get some therapy, unless it's going to jeopardize your service career. And by the way -- THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE TO OUR COUNTRY!!! You have no idea how much I appreciate your service, as I know how much you sacrifice by serving. I know how difficult it must be, being out to sea for so long. I just want you to know how much I appreciate you and what you do.

Keep posting here, and we'll help you as much as we can. I wish you the very best, my friend. God bless you and please take good care of yourself. Hugs, Lee