My SI urges come from current events happening in my life. Something stressful that triggers my self critic or wounded child to take over causing that overwhelming self-hatred for myself or the oppressive feeling that I will never be anything more than I am, the feeling of being broken, or intrusive suicidal thoughts. SIing helps relieve that and it can be like hitting a reset button or like a release valve on a pressure cooker. Bingeing and purging is another way I cope with other feelings and emotions.