I think that's a risk that we all take every day. A "relapse" can happen any time under the right circumstances, but you're not going to announce you're BPD when you enter a room.

I don't think it matters whether you tell them or not. They are either going to get it or not, and those who accuse you of being dishonest or selfish would probably be the same ones who, if you'd told them earlier, would have instantly thought you were off your rocker when you told them and wouldn't have stuck around anyway.

I'm not ashamed of my BPD and it's taken me quite a while to get to that point. It is who I am, both good and bad. However, I have severe issues with talking. I was taught at a very young age to NOT talk about anything personal and was punished in what, to me, was the worse possible way, being totally ignored as though I didn't exist for days, possibly a week on end (hense my abandonment issues).

The few times I braved myself to talk about it, I was completely invalidated and was given no credence at all. I just can't do that again; as hard as it was to talk in the first place. If they find out the hard way by seeing me rage or belittle them, so be it. I'll do my best to explain it afterwards, and if they leave, as hard as it will be on me, they weren't really my friend in the first place.