I started seeing a counselor via my psych doc recently . I've been okay without one for over a year , just doing meds. I'm taking Pristiq 50 mg , Lamictal 100mg , Xanax 20mg (for sleep) . I requested to see someone due to turning my aggression on my pets. Yelling , slapping and throwing things at them. Trigger; husband about vet bills , my action was never harm to my pets.
Anyway, I've been given a workbook 'The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills ' , I'm finding I have a real resistance to taking this to task . Not that I don't look at it and read it , I do, then I hit...get to...come at a point of finding it all making me angry. I end up tossing it to the side only to pick it back up later and give it another go. Without drawing this out , I'm not sure how many times I've done this since I received the book on Monday. I feel myself taking the material I'm reading in , then as reading continues I get distressed then angry , then the book gets tossed again . I'm doing some of the exercises and reading. I have this thing that I have done before when I feel I'm distressed/scattered , I sit and imagine I'm pulling all my energy or bits and pieces of myself back to me from where ever I may have been throughout the day. While I was reading and felt distressed to the point anxiety was oncoming , I imagined all my energy coming back to me to feel strength , I felt it coming in as a sense of a blanket wrapping around me . When the blanket came to cover me completely , I saw/felt a very angry little girl, one who ...this is very hard ...would chew up...kill anyone who tries to get to her. Of course I know this is me. Childhood trauma . I know I should tell counselor , I have a week till I see her. Counselor knows of the trauma . Should I drop the workbook 'till I see her again , try push through it , I'm not sure how to go ...where is this going ? I want to work this though it is freaky knowing I'm touching something deeper than just the anxiety over the husbands money.
Thoughts appreciated .