Hey Why6,

Listen, don't be so hard on yourself that's the first thing.
Another is that it is never too late to bring about change for yourself.
Of course with change its never easy! Throughout your life journey my friend
you'll more than likely have setbacks that is what all of us go through in changing
for the better.
But its not too late.
Something else that comes to my mind, based on my own trials & tribulations is that we must be taught self esteem see what I'm saying.
In my opinion it all starts with someone whether that be your parents, another relative, or even a Teacher, whoever it all starts with someone taking the time to just TALK, listen to us and perhaps teach us things.
Someone who has never learned to have self esteem? Well it stands to reason we won't learn it because we never learned to value ourselves in the first place!
I know! You may as well have been telling my own story on your post.
I now have no problem speaking up at all!
I even do that on here, because occasionally I get someone who is severely judgmental without taking time to know me.
Starting now tell yourself this:
"I'm Okay"
"I like who I am"
Another thing, when someone talks down to you or bullies you try to be assertive
Example:
This is you: "I feel (insert whatever that may be) when you (insert whatever bad thing the person has done)
Also add:
I would like for you to stop
or
I would like for you to just KNOCK IT OFF!
I know it won't be easy, and it won't happen overnight
But you can do it.
Try to begin telling yourself this:
"I'm ME, and if other people don't like it TOO BAD!
Start asserting your rights, and standing up for YOU.
Because if you don't do this, no one in this world will and as
you already know my friend this world is unkind to people who
don't speak up.
You may want to talk to someone about your self esteem issues
its up to you of course. It may help.
And hey perhaps try some affirmation CD's there are a whole bunch of
them being sold either online or your local bookstore. Since the good majority
of bookstores are going belly up? You might try online.
Look for the ones that are about self confidence.
Back when cassettes where available (yeah, a long time ago lol)
I bought tapes on self confidence and listened to it almost all the time.
I especially loved the subliminal ones you know on the surface you hear
the sounds of the ocean, while underneath there are positive affirmations
being said and your none the wiser.
As I've said at the beginning of this post while your changing to your better self
you'll have some setbacks don't get discouraged ....KEEP TRYING.
And don't be afraid to be assertive when someone says something to you that you feel is demeaning to you. Remember don't bother caring what those folks who are trying to crush you under their stupid heel think! They're just that A COMPLETE HEEL!
Your better than that.
So make it known.
You can do it.
You can shoot me a messege if you'd like to talk.
Hope this helps.
Now go get empowered.
You GO Girl!