I would try this if I could, But the thing is that by the time I realize a reason I could use, as fast as it came it is gone like a fart in the wind. It is almost like I would have have a notebook with me at all times so I can compile a list of things i can use. I did have my father come into one appointment with me so he could talk to the psychiatrist I have. She asked me what I wanted have her tell him. I was kinda vague and general though. I just wanted her to give a general overview and try to make it seem valid seeing how I do not know enough to explain it and if I tried he may think of it as an excuse. which I do not want him to think. he really does want the best for me. It is just hard though since he had no idea and I am sure the guilt is enormous. He was hard to talk to as well because when I would talk to him in the past about things he would just say he does not understand. He even told the psychiatrist lady his childhood was more of the suck it up and drive forward, he tried not to do that with me like he grew up with. I really appreciate the environment but I dunno maybe such a regimented and drive forward attitude might have helped me. But ya know, hind sight is always 20/20 and who knows. I feel bad I cannot show more appreciation, I had a wonderful household growing up. I just cannot change how things have gone or are.