Depression = feeling stupid/worthless/frustrated/untalented/undeserving/uncommunicative/and so on and so on. Nothing you've said here is unfamiliar to this group. The nice thing about negative feelings is that they're just that: feelings. Self-perceptions that bear no relationship to reality. Whenever I find myself in the deepest, darkest of pits, and no amount of CBT will pull me out of it, I remind myself that it's just the depression talking and I can do my best not to heed its siren call. You know what happened to sailors that heard the sirens' call and became enraptured by it? Depression is just like that, except the singing is more like a ceaseless chant that takes the form of phrases like: "I'm never going to amount to anything", "I'm a terrible person", "I don't deserve good things." So if the most you can do right now is stick a label on those thoughts, "That's my depression talking", you'll be dissociating yourself from the illness, and that's a pretty big accomplishment.

If you're short on cash, you can apply for Medicaid. You can even apply online. Just type "Department of Welfare" and your state in google. Medicaid may only subsidize a limited amount of psychiatrist and therapist visits, but it would be a good start for you.

Best wishes.