It's just not possible for the non-depressed to imagine what our experience is. they think that it's just a matter of being more optimistic and stronger and more determined. It's so much more than than that.They cannot imagine the effort the incredible amount of energy it takes to breathe and act and be. I am appalled that one who is trained in the profession meant to help those of us who need support should be so not understanding.
I think you should find a professional who doesn't know you personally to talk to. Since you are in the profession yourself you will perhaps know of someone . You need someone to help you sort out the threads that have gotten so tangled up. It sounds like you may really have more hope than you thought. Maybe talking to someone objective will help you see where you want to go.
Also maybe your friend doesn't condemn you at all. Perhaps she's just upset also.
Are you seeing someone who can prescribe medication? Please do, it can make all the difference.
You sound like a lovely person-- bright and caring. I'm sure you would make a very good health care professional. You will understand.
Please keep posting. I will look for them. I want to know what happens OK?
Take care