I have felt GREAT for the whole week, actually for about two weeks minus one day of crushing depression which was probably due to having to see my mother in law (she told me I am a bad mom because i won't - WON'T - hit my son when he throws tantrums - in fact she said she wanted to hit ME!). i feel awesome, but I'm running out of things to do with my energy and feeling like doing dumb things like washing dishes is a waste of my time i feel like i need to write something fantastic but i can't get started because i can't form a full sentence of fiction.

Last night I drank and I slept for seven hours but now I'm just as awake just with a hangover and I can feel the energy coursing through me and really I'm kind of tired of this. I love feeling great but dammit i just want to be able to sit and be and i can't do that.

Pdoc appointment on thursday. It's been a looooooong two months since I first hurt myself in a depression and my husband demanded I go back to treatment. I hope she can do something to turn this off I JUST WANT TO BE ABLE TO SIT DOWN.

if this sounds rambling I apologize i just can't think straight i just want to be able to be calm because it's entirely possible that i'm not actually as awesome and magic as i feel. I'm thinking maybe it's not real. i thought maybe writing would get it out because that's what i'm driven to do but damn i'm gonna have to figure something else out this is going to be a loooooong saturday. Not even any work to keep me occupied.

Sorry again don't reply you don't have to. i think I might sound stupid.