you know, the only hint that your past is still affecting your present is that you let him put you down the way he does.

You should be more supportive of yourself and whatever you are. I am not criticizing you! I am just saying that THIS is, in my opinion, the only thing you need to change.
Learn a more secure self-esteem so that you won't believe anyone coming in and saying "hey! you shouldn't be like this, but like that"

Let me ask you a question: what if you try to become what he is trying to turn you into and then he changes his mind? Would you be forever running after his requests?

It is quite typical of a certain person to say: I am ok, i am super kind, super clever let me help you.
If you are in a couple you are equal, if you are not equal you are not a couple.