Even if it were possible, I wouldn't be a child again for a million dollars. My parents would only take that million dollars away from me anyway. Shoot, my mother used to con me out of the five or so dollars my grandmother gave me for my birthday. No, there's no way I'd go back to my childhood.

But, I've often wondered what it would be like to go back to somebody else's childhood. Somebody else's safe, positive, healthy, nurturing childhood, being loved and accepted, not scolded or punished merely for being young, immature, and inexperienced.

And that stirs up a desire in me to do childish things that are no longer appropriate at my age. No, I don't mean whining or temper tantrums to get my way, or doing something "naughty" just because nobody can forbid me. I'm referring to things like putting my hair in pigtails and then pretending I'm in kindergarten just learning to write my alphabet. Playing with a toy, coloring in a book, watching a cartoon. Sometimes I even think I'd like to speak in baby talk and suck my thumb, while someone who loves me holds me in his lap (my husband?) and calls me affectionate things such as "kitten" or "princess," instead of the demeaning nicknames I actually was called as a child. Certainly not in public. In the privacy of our own living room, just the two of us. I didn't really get to fully experience being little, so deep inside me, the wish to do so is there. That whole "inner child work" concept appeals to me, although I've never done that kind of therapy formally.

On the other hand, if someone wants to annoy me really fast, all they have to do is make a big deal about how young I am. I know it's my own experience that gives it a warped mental association, but whenever anyone goes on and on about, "oh, you're not old at all; you're still young," I hear it as, "Pfft. You're still a child. I don't have to take you seriously yet. I don't have to listen to a word you say, I don't have to consider you my equal, and I definitely don't have to show you any respect." Of course, this comes from being saturated with a prevailing attitude of "mind your elders," "because I said so," and "children should be seen and not heard." The opinions and feelings of adults mattered. The opinions and feelings of children did not. "Being good" and "behaving yourself" worked out to mean, "not drawing attention to your own existence by needing something when it interferes with whatever I'm doing."

I suppose it would naturally follow then, that instead of this invalidation, it would be nice to experience the love and care a child should be shown. But if I were to insert my own parents into that scenario I painted above, and picture myself curled up beside my own mother or father on the couch, thumb in my mouth while they speak to me affectionately--well, just *squick.* I've had enough trouble over the years convincing my mother that I am actually a competent adult. I'm sure she'd love it if I still wanted her to baby me. But then she'd hold it over my head and use it to remind me, in some subtle way, that I'm still a little girl who needs Mommy to tell her what to do.

So how can I resolve this inner conflict? Is it normal to want to act like a very small child sometimes, while usually wanting to function as an adult?