I get days like that, but when i do have those type of thoughts i try to remind myself of the positive thoughts that were ONCE there. Think of something good that makes you feel at least ok. Maybe the ssi will go through next time, i've heard it takes a few times to get it to be accepted.I feel for you as I get suicidal thoughts, at least I was until i started my new meds, it's helped me greatly. I would tell you what they are, but i think we're not supposed to give such info which is a shame. Put some music you like on too, if you feel up to turning the radio on, i know even that can be hard. Get yourself some relaxation tapes of nature sounds too from the store, I listen to waves on the beach.You'll be so relaxed!!!