I wonder if going for disability is the right path for you. You are young, I worry that that will give you more reason to feel less than capable of meeting the challenges of life---I am not at all against people getting SSI, and I know there were times in my life when that was a reasonable choice; at 60 I am glad I did not do that but find myself in a slump right now (feeling overwhelmed, pathetic, (yuck!) and lucky to have kids who are grown, well (even with me as a mom!) and can kick my psychic butt in a kind and helpful way---Work is what held me together all the years (dx: ptsd, major depression recurrent, panic disorder, and I get hypomanic also) the losses and uncertainty. I have never had stellar attendance, change jobs when I am stressed, thought I would be dead before I finished school (just wanting the pain to stop)---and did not go to school for a profession till I was 28. Achieved my BSN at 30 something, continue to struggle but am good at my job because it is the one place (until I can't deal with the politics) my focus is off of me and onto a problem, something to research, to understand, and to respond to---you sound intelligent, and with interests that would lend itself to many paths. When you talk of tension at home, I wonder if you are young and married with kids or living with parents. If the latter, you may really want to find a way to move out (I know how much this did for me and for my brother--who was reluctant and fearful--you don't really feel the tension till you have removed yourself from it.
I have come to think of passive SI and imagining as a kind of relief valve and self-soothing activity; reminding us we have ultimate control if necessary. But then, we all die and may as well find out the best and the worst. (easy to say)---
When I was in my late teens, early twenties, I had what I now recognize as a mild but very real psychotic break. I do not think I would have made it had I returned home. The diagnoses, the meds, the information, was limited and non-existent at that time (I was a student of psychology and scoured all medical and psych literature)---so I made it into my thirties without meds. Now, I wonder how. Physically, I have been healthy and that helps. Best to you whatever you decide is right for you! and a big hug