Let me preface this by saying that my marriage is in shambles. My husband and I have gone through several separations, seemingly endless marriage counseling, with little improvement. For religious reasons we are attempting to make it work. The religious thing is something I am working on with my therapist to get past.

With that said, during our last separation 2.5 years ago, I had an affair and also a one-night-stand. I ended up coming back to my husband and I was honest with him. I believe that this was one of the most foolish things I have done.

My dilemma is that I still wish and long to be with the guy with whom I had the affair. We were so compatible with each other and there was real chemistry between us both personality wise and sexually. This is something that I have never shared with my husband even when we were dating. The only reason I married him was because I felt pressured (single-handedly the most foolish thing I have done). I struggle with self-resentment for ending the affair and coming back to my husband.

Am I completely out of line? I am looking for honesty in responses. I believe I am wrong for feeling this way but I don't know what to do with it all. Please help!