I'm sorry to hear about the turmoil you feel in your marriage.

Out of curiosity, if you feel religiously bound to your husband (which you're trying to work through in T), what makes you think that your self-resentment is related to you ending the affair that you had? I would Q whether your self-resentment is actually related to having the affair in the first place.

Do YOU believe in "til death do we part", or is it other people's beliefs that holds you back? If you don't believe, then I can imagine a lot of negative emotions mixed into the mix. If you do believe, then I think that you can let go of your feelings by relying upon your beliefs to help you get through the mess.

This perspective is based on the information that you provided above however. You didn't talk at all about your hub's behavior or attitude in life...whether he's been supportive or loving at all with you. Your hub's perspective and attitude certainly plays a large role in how successful your marriage can be too!

Don't know if I really answered your Q or not, but that's what I think.