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Apr 20, 2013, 01:13 PM
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Member Since: Mar 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 1,486
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheRealFDeal
Oy, I could have written that. It sounds eerily like something that happened to me.
My T told me that I had become too attached. He tried to reign in the boundaries like not returning my calls like he used to. It was not very helpful. In retrospect, I'm like "Duh, that's part of the disorder you're treating me for." He did not help me with the attachment by pushing me away. He should have been more therapeutic in his approach if he believed this, because I sure didn't know how to "just stop" feeling so dependent.
He also hurt me. He said I shouldn't feel hurt by him, that it's not "personal."  If therapy's not personal, I don't know what is.
In the end, I felt blamed for the very symptoms of my disorder, the very thing I was there to be treated for. He couldn't handle them.
If you go back, do not stand for her telling you are too dependent, essentially putting the blame on you for failure to move forward. This is not the way to make progress. She needs to help you, not make you feel at fault. |
I'm not saying the way he went about this was beneficial to you (I don't know how he communicated his intentions, etc.), but since you went to therapy precisely to work on these issues (as you say), then isn't tightening boundaries when things have gotten a bit out of control, part of helping you with this issue? Do you think that indefinitely allowing a lot of contact between sessions, without ever re-evaluating, or changing things would have ultimately been helpful to you, over the long term, for what you came to him for?
I don't think reigning in boundaries in and of itself necessarily means shaming someone for their attachment, though I can see how it could be interpreted that way. Ultimately, the idea behind it is to help you. Obviously, though, there are better ways to communicate how it's supposed to help you and to avoid shameful feelings, than others. I'm talking in the general sense, here.
I think usually it's not about the therapist not being able to deal with strong attachment/attachment issues, though, again, I can see how it would be felt/interpreted that way. I think they mostly try to help clients deal with their attachment issues, and that sometimes involves tightening boundaries.
I'm responding to TheRealFDeal, of course, but I think this applies to the OP as well.
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