Hello, I really need help, since I don't know if I am useless or not.
My dad just isn't understanding of me and my condition. I have ADD and a high IQ, but believe it or not, it's even more "impairing" in a way.. I think too much, and imagine all kinds of stories and plots, I think about how dark energy works and I am constantly reading, or surfing on the web to learn more about psychology, astronomy, and how what is life and at what point chemistry turns into biology.
But my dad is always putting me off, telling me I am dumb, and he used to say I am dumb in the "dating department". He compares me to people, and one time, at karate, I forgot to ask my teacher for my new belt, since I hate karate and I wanted to go already, and he said that "even those little kids in the class do things better than me". He does things like this often, and I am anxious around him all the time, always thinking if he is going to ask me a favor. I can never find things he asks me for fastly, since 1) It's not something that I want to focus on, and 2) he puts me nervous when I ask him for more specific locations for the object he is looking for. Strangely, I find my own things faster, since no one is there to mock me. Don't get me wrong, I really want to be helpful, but it's hard for me to do things I dont want to focus on. It works like this: He asks me for a pen that is somewhere in the room, and I either start thinking about his mocking comments, about my own interests, or about just wanting to do it fast and go. That doesnt let me to focus well enough and I dont find things efficiently.
I can do very good at academic tasks, at my own readings, and interests, but I am not a practical person, an for my dad that means useless.
It doesn't bother me that I dont focus on girls, since I am not interested in finding one at the moment, and I dont want to do things just because he pressures me. I hate doing things that way. If I am going to do something it should come from my own will, not his ******** expectations.
It's all because this double exceptionality, and my dad us ignorant about it. And no, telling him about it won't do anything. He is a self-righteous person and has never apologized for how he makes me feel.
He is also selfish towards my mom. For example, we have two dogs, one is heavier than the other, and my dad carries the light one and makes my mom carry the heavy one. I am not for chivalry, since it's mysogyny disguised as kindness, but my mom has back problems, and, i am not being mysogynistic, but she is much weaker than him, for real. She doesnt play victim. And she has commented how he always looks out only for his comfort and can never have a normal conversation without criticizing people or trying to "educate us". Yes, he tells both my mom and me how to behave, and doesnt realize we are fycking grown-ups. He thinks he is always right, so I guess that's why he never realizes how he hurts me.
Probably I am just spoiled, since I have all I need regarding material things. But remember, emotionally I dont feel like it balances well with materials.
oh , and dont forget his typical line: No one else loves you as much a me.
I am skeptical about that, since actions speak better than words.