Hi Kate.

Well, "in shambles" is a very broad and unspecific term, but it has a strong connotation to it. I'm very sorry your marriage isn't go well...I know how hard that must be.

I think you've a lot of courage for being honest with your husband, and I commend you for your dedication to your religious ideals. Truly, I do. But everything about this isn't healthy Kate...with the utmost respect and meaning no offense, you married him for the wrong reasons, and you're staying with him against your will. I don't know much about what's going on specifically in the relationship to make things so poor, and I don't wish to ask unless you're comfortable talking about it, but it seems, in the simplest of terms, that you are unhappy in your marriage, and marriage counseling has thus far failed.

As far as your affair goes, I'm not very well versed in the...etiquette, I suppose?...nor much of the legalities of separation, but by definition, you were separated, were you not? I know you're still legally (and spiritually, but I'll get back to the spiritual part) married at the time, but you were going through, I would imagine, a very rough patch, both maritally and emotionally. I would try to let it go Kate. You, based on your wording, weren't sure you were coming back at all (you "ended up" coming back to him. The connotation is that the outcome was, in some degree, contrary to expectation or unlikely), and you were as honest as you feasibly could be to him regarding the whole thing. It isn't beneficial or necessary for you to cling on to the guilt or resentment any longer.

As far as the religious thing goes, how do you mean that your therapist is working with you regarding it? I ask only to try to help us help you, as it isn't clear precisely what you mean initially. Anyway, while I am in no sort of position to speak in any position of authority for God, He wouldn't want you to suffer through an unhappy marriage Kate. He wants you to be happy...while I am aware what the literature on the subject says, I don't think God wishes for any of His children to suffer.

Please know you are in my prayers, and I hope things work out for the best.

Hugs,
Harley