Hello & Welcome, Sophie7!
Quote:
Originally Posted by sophie7
It was a disturbing childhood, I am sorry to say. I got all the material things I needed though but emotionally I felt betrayed and fearful and lost. No one ever asked me how it made me feel to see my parents fight or my mum blaming my dad, saying vicious things and at times blaming me for things when she was 'sick'.
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At the very least, yours was a non-nurturing childhood. In your most formative years your home environment constantly messaged you that you should be afraid and ashamed. Your present feelings have, unfortunately, a firm foundation.
Dismantling that foundation will require patience and probably the help of those experienced in such tasks. Are therapy, counselling, and/or self-help options for you? (Actually, participating in these forums is self-help.)
My own problems are in part complicated by a somewhat dysfunctional early family life. I'm informally trying to piece together the psychopathology of my parents and grandparents. For you I would hope gaining insight into your own family's issues might assist you in coping with your present severe distress.
Please keep posting, Sophie7.
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My dog
mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.