I am very hurt and torn. I have been with this man for almost a decade .. separated in different cities for some years ..finally i quit my whole life and move to his continent to be closer .. he was scared of commitment therefore all my requests to move in together have been turned down. Ok, lets try at least in different places but closer than w were before. This relationship has seen it all, problems, obstacles, emotional abuse, cheating on me with a lot of different women and too many chances given to him to change but never happened. He is an unhappy troubled man, with an unhealthy attraction to women. I gave him many chances, I accepted many things, I tried to be patient but I just cant take it anymore. Too much arguing and emotional issues, intimate inability to please a man who cheats on me constantly and complain about my inexperience (he is my first and only man). Love is not there from his side, he never said he loves me, bc he does not know. Finally I am opening my eyes and starting to love myself more. I dont want this anymore. I am convinced and tired and very hurt. but now..he is not letting me go. He says he realized all his mistakes, his issues, his weaknesses and the reasons for mistreating me. He acknowledges all the great things I am, and he cannot live without me. He wants to show me he has changed (in these past 5 DAYS) and he wants to commit, not marriage but a "real try". I am so confused and hurt. I love this man and loved him unconditionally but now I'm tired and very scared to get hurt again. Everybody, family, friends, acquaintances .. been saying the same thing for years: "you are fool, let him go. he does not deserve you. you will never be happy". Finally I am starting to see clear but he is confusing me now. I dont know what to do. My mind, my logical/rational part knows what to do, just go, move on and thats it. but my heart...is torn...what if he has changed for real? what if he is NOW the man that I had waited for so many years? He says I am his angel bc showed him the real path, the good things in life and helped him decide to be a better man.I am so scared to give up, but more scared to get hurt and be unhappy for the rest of my life. ;( So confused... ;(
Please do not judge..I realize I have been the UNHEALTHY one for a very long time...for keeping up with his s**t. I want to heal...but emotions make me weak and vulnerable ..and when you love someone you want him happy and u love him for who he is yet at the same time you want to help him be a better person.