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Originally Posted by Korana
Hmm. I have BPD, and while we're capable, like all other people of being hurtful, manipulative and cruel, our general perception of someone like you, who loves us and is a 'safe' place is to yes, perhaps take out our emotional explosions, but also, we wouldn't just let you go like that.
One of the most common things about this disorder is the -need- and someone like you, we would likely cling to. Generally the hurt would be unintentional but I cannot speak for your ex-wife's character. She could indeed cause intentional pain.
BPD individuals want so desperately, almost above everything to be accepted understood and viewed for once in our lives as whole, beautiful and cherished; the conflict comes from being taught so fundamentally that we can never believe that about ourselves, even if it's true to everyone else.
Your ex-wife seems by no means perfect, but aggressive you see in BPD individuals generally comes from pain, not from hate or malice.
You did not deserve to be the subject of her emotional releases by any means, but try and understand her more deeply before assuming she's just out to cause trouble.
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Very true. When dealing with someone with BPD, it's important to bestow compassion, and realize that BPDs are not vindictive nor manipulative. Reading Marsha Linehan will show that.
I've seen such venting before from mainly husbands about their wives, out there on a couple other online sites devoted to those with BPDs in life. And I'm usually astounded to see, that Marsha Linehan's approach to compassion, isn't generally followed. She's the expert and mom, so to speak on this illness.
And yes, BPD's do want to be seen as beautiful, even when their disorder limits them from seeing that in themselves.