Your not alone. I started after 8 years of not. Sometimes life puts us under a lot of stress and we can't cope with the skills we have. Try to keep yourself safe and not hurt yourself too badly. I'm not encouraging self harm, im just saying your trying to cope and I think that is a good thing. I hope things get easier for you, and you find better ways to cope. Don't beat yourself up too badly for resorting to SI.