My father emotionally and verbally abused me growing up. He is still a part of my life and he now has cancer, and has been having mini strokes. I think about the possibility of him dying all the time. Sometimes I think that it would make it so much easier. That I would feel relief and not have to worry about dealing with any of his s**t anymore. And I wouldn't have to worry about the way he treats my brothers either. I could finally stop being so protective. But then I think about the good times we had together, the times where he helped me, and treated me well, and I know I would be crushed if her were to die.

It is conflicting emotions for me. I guess I will just have to deal with it when it happens.