(((SpiritOfAStorm))),

Yes, alot of people have these periods in their past where they can recall being "very nieve" and can be very "in touch" with that part of them as being with them in the present.

What you need to understand is that who we are in the present is an accumulation of what we experienced in our past. It is "normal" to form these attachments, crushes and be embarassed about them later, especially if the other person is not receptive to our strong attachment. What is important to remember though, is how we all go through stages in our developement that explore "attachments and purpose" where we don't really understand what it means.

Eighth grade? That is "very young" and that is a time where most are just beginning to enter puberty and are thinking about the opposite sex more. And that is also the time we are observing our parents and their relationship and beginning to put things together.
We have alot of messages we take in as well about love and romance that come at us from all kinds of books, television, movies and observing older people around us.

For a very long time, children feel the universe revolves around them. And then they begin to slowly think about others differently. It is just how our brain developes over time and what many don't realize is we mature very slowly. There are so many in their late teens and early 20's that really think they should "know who they are and what they want to be and have a sense of mastering the capacity of connecting with others". What many don't realize is how much more they need to mature because their brain is actually still growing and developing.

So when you look back on things that happened to you that leave you feeling embarassed and at a loss somehow, you are recalling a time in your life where you really didn't have the maturity level and experience to truely understand. And some of these memories like the one you are discribing were somewhat tramtic to you. So it is very normal to think back and wonder the things you are wondering, what did that girl think?, were you really dumb?, you never had the answers and it is very normal to want to have some answers, because after all, she never responded to you. Our brains like to solve problems and file these problems away. It is just how we are designed so we can learn and thrive better.

Personally I think that eventually they will learn that alot of the depression and adjustment disorder, anxiety issues are early PTSD symptoms and that PTSD has a spectrum to it much like Autism does.
They have been discovering how many people experience PTSD that can be the result of several tramatic situations from early childhood. If a major tramatic event takes place the person is more at risk of developing the full blown PTSD disorder.

An "adjustment disorder" is very much apart of "complex PTSD" and yes, the people who struggle had alot of difficulty with maturing normally and feeling that sense of "personal control" and "ability to thrive and become well adjusted and functional".

Your ruminating like this is also what happens with complex PTSD. I experience that myself and I do find it very confusing and "intrusive".

My suggestion is to find a Therapist that can help you sort through your past so you can understand yourself better and find some resolve. The fact that you used alcohol and self medicated means that you never got a chance to really "mature" normally. I had to learn all about this in dealing with my husband who was a binge alcoholic. Our marriage/family councelor explained to me that my husband only had the maturity level of a 13 year old because that is when he began self medicating with alcohol.

My husband stopped drinking and joined AA, and that is when he finally began to mature. It took a long time and I have to admit it was hard on me, and often very lonely. However, this "is" very common and the good part is with the right help you can finally fill in the areas where you just didn't get what you needed somehow to fully mature.

What would be helpful for you is to join AA so you can have access and support and realize that you are not alone too.