I am sorry to read what has happened to you, I do feel for you. I also know from your other post what situation you are in now, which again is hard.

But I feel that my post has been taken out of context. I did mention giving him time to lick his wounds.. Yes, I do understand that perhaps making a gesture towards her friend may not be the best thing, but it also might help him too. Only she can guess that I think? A more educated guess than you or I as she knows him. I just thought, as a person who likes to try and put something right when I can, that perhaps he may appreciate the gesture of kindness, even if it didn't change his mind about their friendship. It wasnt supposed to be patronising, though I can see where you are coming from, and it wasnt supposed to, well, belittle his pain, it was about her trying to be a good friend to him for a change, as he is the one hurting. Obviously being the source of the hurt, it wasnt going to be easy, or perhaps even go well, but I just thought that he may have appreciated the effort anyway. That's what I meant about a grudge. Some folk are able to appreciate an effort, even if not entirely welcome, and others may not want to ever hear from a person again. Its totally up to the individual and there is no wrong or right. And yes, you hit the nail on the head, be careful who you trust your heart to, but its also good to remember that she didn't ask for all that. She just made a big mistake by thinking she could return the love, but it wasnt done out of malice and I think there is a big difference there, and one the fella in question hopefully knows even though he's hurting.

And am sorry that your self-worth is non-existent. I will say something now that may just annoy you greatly, but we cannot, ever, change how people are with us and how the treat us. How cruel people are can take my breath away. Your wife doing those things to you were just awful, that I can not stress enough, and you really have gone through a tough time. I presume there would've been nothing really that you could've done to change her actions, but you can change how you react to it. How we deal with stuff is all we have - and before you dump on me, I am talking from experience too.