I'm sorry you had such a difficult childhood. I can imagine how hard it is to develop releationships and communications with that kind of upbringing. Are you in therapy to help resolve some of these issues? I hope you don't blame yourself and realize that your parents issues shouldn't reflect on who you are. I think a lot of my family suffers from depression, but masks it with drugs and alcohol. I hope this community provides you some help to deal with your issues. I hope you feel better soon.