Hi there,

I'm trying to understand myself better and why I am perpetually single. Whenever someone shows some interest in me, I tend to deny the possibility that they might be romantically interested and try to avoid talking to this person. One of the reasons is that I don't want to rush into a romantic relationship and I want to take my time getting to know the other person first. I don't know how to flirt or how to show romantic interest in a gradual way.

I believe that it is better to make a romantic connection with someone only after we've developed a friendship and after we've known each other at least 3-6 months. The problem is that most people, especially people I've met on a dating site, assume I'm not interested after the 1st or 2nd date (or maybe they're not interested), and then don't want to see me again.

I'm not sure if sexual orientation matters in this case, but if you want to know, I'm a woman in my 30s who's interested in women. I've always been single. I'm a late bloomer. When I was younger, I was interested in men but didn't date until very late. A few years after dating men, I decided that I wanted to be single for the rest of my life. But then I gradually developed an interest in women and felt comfortable in the company of women. Other than some failed attempts and platonic love, I haven't found a partner yet.

I feel that finding a significant other for me is mission impossible. Especially since I'm not a very sociable type and have difficulty making conversation with others. I'm OK staying single. I can live happily as a single, but at the same time, maybe I'm missing out on something.

A lot of couples break up or divorce, and this makes me wonder whether love exists or is it just an illusion?

If love does exist, how do you find it when you're conservative and don't want to jump into a relationship right away?