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What if something happens to me right now and I need help? I think about the future...who is going to be there for me in the future? It is looking very much like I'll never have a significant other. Who will make decisions for me if I can't? What if I end up lying in a nursing home? I just...there are so many things running through my head right now and I don't know where they're coming from but they're pushing my anxiety through the roof and I wish I had answers. I'm just scared for myself.
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I live alone too and think about these things a lot. Like what if something happened to me on a Friday night? It would be at least Monday before anyone came looking for me... and the only people missing me would be my co-workers. I actually have sisters fairly close by, but we're not close. Although if I did need a ride to the ER for a physical reason I would call one of them. They know I'm "in a dark place" right now; one of them doesn't want to know more and the other has asked but I can't bring myself to share.
Well, I got off the subject a little bit. I have actually been thinking I should leave a note that someone could easily find about my wishes, like what to do if I'm brain-dead (pull the plug, donate my organs), or actually dead (burial vs. cremation, funeral services, etc.).