Some days are easier than others. This weekend was a particularly difficult one. My thoughts obsess about her. About how, if only I'd had more self-control, been a little ore stable, done a few things differently, she'd have stayed.

I obsess over how she was the most perfect person for me. From her looks to the patience she showed me (at first).

How will I ever find someone like her again. Then the panic sets in, and I have to try distract myself. Or dose up on meds. Something, anything to numb the unrelenting pain at the loss of the love of my life.

Then shame, and guilt, because I feel like it's all I think about, that I should be stronger than this. That I'm handling this breakup like a teenage girl. I'm such an idiot. I ruin everything.