This is my first post and first time talking about this, so bear with me.

I've been (weaned) off my BiPolar meds for a few months because my husband and I want to have another baby soon---I don't want meds in my system for various reasons.

Immediately after I got off the medicine, I was manic and went on a crazy spending spree and quit my job to take another. It's been about 3 weeks since I became depressed and I want to curl up into a ball and sleep forever.

I feel so sad and depressed, but I KNOW I am so lucky to have a beautiful son, wonderful and supportive husband, great parents and friends---not to be boastful, but my life is perfect with the exception of this disorder.

The rational side of me is so embarrassed that I have this problem-- I really can't control my emotions without medication. Its a horrible feeling to wake up everyday and know you're going to feel sad and nothing can help. I feel alone and confused and overall stressed with the situation. I don't like talking about things with people because I know it makes people worry and bring everyone down. I know I shouldnt be sad and I don't want to be sad, but its not a choice.

I absolutely hate this, and hate myself.I have that I can't will myself to clean or do laundry or do my job, or even be a good mom. I want this to be over. I am so sick of crying