Hi, I am new to this forum and actually I have spent a lot of time dealing with all sorts of issues by myself. I was always taught to never tell anyone outside of my family any personal issues that any of us were dealing with. I am in my thirties now and I feel just completely exhausted. I will get right to the point because I tend to go on and on and like I said, I have never done this before so I dont know how this all works, but I am hoping for some advice, because I just dont know what to do anymore.
I have been married for over 8 years. I lived with my parents well into my twenties and was always a good kid so to speak. ALways listened to my mother and helped her with everything. Still do. I have my own family but will still drop everything to help with whatever my mother needs. Doctor appts, shopping, listening to her complain, even gossip..etc.
She has always caused rifts between me and my older brother. Who i should mention has never taken her to a doctor, or for that matter ever done anything with my parents, but use them. My husband and I have them over at our house at least 4 times a week, also family dinners on weekends, holidays, and of course many vacations. We do a lot and are very close. I should also mention I notice she gets a little peculiar if I go away with my family alone, and If I dont call her while we are on vacation she gets really wierd with me. One time she didnt speak to me for three weeks after I was first married because I didnt call her while we were away for the weekend everyday. Everytime I called her during those 3 weeks, my dad said she had a headache or wasnt feeling well.
Two weeks ago, my mother had an argument with my husband. She yelled and said she didnt like the way he spoke to her. He got upset and basically said well if you dont like it then leave. I tried to have them work it out but they are very much the same and stubborn and to no avail, she left and that was that. She also had to add in before she left that this is the reason why my brother doesnt "bother" with us is because of my husband. Which i can tell you is the furthest from the truth. my brother didnt speak to my parents for over 4 years once and that was when I was about 20 years old. My brother and husband get along great, but I never do know what my mom and brother talk about when alone. I should also mention that I am pregnant and suffered with HG the first trimester, have other issues relating to that, and now have some heart problems. I am still unsure at only 18 weeks if this baby is healthy or not, and even though my mom nows this she doesnt care to call me. If she went to the doctor, god forbid I didnt call to see how she made out. She would never dare to be this way to my brother. I had nothing to do with it, but she doesnt see it this way. I felt she was wrong with what she said to my husband but I wanted to stay out of it. Also, my dad who I see and talk to I give updates to about my condition so i know he tells my mom what is going on, but still nothing. I know she is stewing and probably feels that I am the child and I should call her. Oddly, my brother hasnt been around for the longest time, but all of a sudden I heard that he has been coming around lately. WHich in all honestly makes me feel lousy because I have always been there, my husband and kids has always been there, all those times dropping what I was doing, and this is how she treats us? EVen my daughter who had a special recital last week, my dad came but she didn't. It was like a slap. I dont know how to handle this. I am a nervous wreck as is, and this is only making things worse. My husband told me that she is my mother and he will always be civil to her but she should come to me since I had nothing to do with it. He also said that I could do whatever I wanted, if I wanted to see her or call her to do it, that he would never stop me, but I feel so confused. I don't know how to handle this, I want everything to be back to the way it was, but I am kind of angry and depressed about it all.
I am sorry that I have wrote so much but there really is so much more I can say. Any help would really be appreciated. Thank you